can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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