I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
