Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
