New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
