it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My penis needs a shock collar
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
