So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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