my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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