R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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