Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Randomize