Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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