he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
