I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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