Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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