Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
