4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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