great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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