dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
