Quick, to the slutcave!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
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We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
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That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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