I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
