Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
