I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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