You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
