A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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