It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
