She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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