You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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