I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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