he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize