she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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