I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
