I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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