You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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