Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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