You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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