I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
