he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
