Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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