I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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