why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
