I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I believe in your delicious
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
