My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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