just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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