Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
