sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
