I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
