You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
