I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
