Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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