omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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