but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Randomize
