Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize