We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
