id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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