The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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