Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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