i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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