dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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