I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
