I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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