i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
vagina is talking i cant
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
