I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
