I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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