Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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