I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize