I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
that's an acceptable place to lick
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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