I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
