I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
