She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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