i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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