I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Randomize
