she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
