im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
