Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
its liver damage thursday
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
